One of the problems I have had since giving birth is that I have lost myself. I have discovered myself as a parent – and motherhood is the greatest challenge I have ever faced – however, as a person in their own right, I am not happy. I am still holding on to my baby weight – Little R is eleven months old, it’s not really baby weight anymore, I’m just fat – the only bras that I own are maternity bras so I can feed Little R discreetly, and I don’t even own a handbag, I just use Little R’s changing bag. I am lost if I ever go outside without a baby, I physically juggle my keys, purse and phone as I walk through the supermarket.
As a mum, my life couldn’t be any more perfect, but as a woman in her own right, I am lost. I feel guilty even as I write this. I shouldn’t feel down, I know I am so lucky to have been gifted with my beautiful baby, but I would love to find myself again. My husband and I rarely spend time together, and I’m often so exhausted from a day of looking after her that j just want to sleep as soon as she is in bed. I don’t wear make up anymore, my daily shower lasts less than two minutes and I haven’t brushed my hair since Christmas. I love the days that I spend playing with Little R, everything she does amazes me and she melts my heart with her smile, but I would like to look nice. Some days I would like to not only brush, but dry and straighten my hair, I would like to wear a decent push up bra so I don’t trip over my boobs, and I would like to wear a dress that is clean, without the normal snot or dry food or crumbs that accompany motherhood.