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Lost in Motherhood.

One of the problems I have had since giving birth is that I have lost myself. I have discovered myself as a parent – and motherhood is the greatest challenge I have ever faced – however, as a person in their own right, I am not happy. I am still holding on to my baby weight – Little R is eleven months old, it’s not really baby weight anymore, I’m just fat – the only bras that I own are maternity bras so I can feed Little R discreetly, and I don’t even own a handbag, I just use Little R’s changing bag. I am lost if I ever go outside without a baby, I physically juggle my keys, purse and phone as I walk through the supermarket.

As a mum, my life couldn’t be any more perfect, but as a woman in her own right, I am lost. I feel guilty even as I write this. I shouldn’t feel down, I know I am so lucky to have been gifted with my beautiful baby, but I would love to find myself again. My husband and I rarely spend time together, and I’m often so exhausted from a day of looking after her that j just want to sleep as soon as she is in bed. I don’t wear make up anymore, my daily shower lasts less than two minutes and I haven’t brushed my hair since Christmas. I love the days that I spend playing with Little R, everything she does amazes me and she melts my heart with her smile, but I would like to look nice. Some days I would like to not only brush, but dry and straighten my hair, I would like to wear a decent push up bra so I don’t trip over my boobs, and I would like to wear a dress that is clean, without the normal snot or dry food or crumbs that accompany motherhood.

I love motherhood, but I’m not ‘just a mum’, and I just can’t wait to feel like me again.

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7 thoughts on “Lost in Motherhood.

  1. I can totally relate to this. I love my daughter dearly with all my heart but sometimes I just want to be able to leave the house without having to choose between good hair or good face! I also use the changing bag as my handbag- I have no time for double bag management in my life!!haha!

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  2. Your baby is eleven months old…you didn’t gain the “baby weight” overnight, you shouldn’t expect to lose it overnight. My sister wore nursing bras from when her first child was born until she finished nursing her second child. Because she balanced career & motherhood, she had to pump…my niece would turn the pump on (at 2 & 1/2) so my sister could pump milk for my nephew.

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  3. I’m a brand new mum and this is one of my worries, loosing myself! I’m really enjoying weekends at the moment when my husband is home and I can dry my hair and smear some makeup on! I’m struggling with clothes as I feel they’re always covered in milk or slobber at the moment and I only have 3 outfits that fit that aren’t pyjamas! It took 10months to put the weight on while pregnant so it will take quite a while to lose it all, especially now you’re so busy, don’t be too hard on yourself, nearly everyone feels the same!

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  4. Most Mums feel like this hun – there are very few women who feel at their best or most glamorous in the year after having a baby. If they do then they probably have tons of money and staff to help them with getting back in shape etc. I totally feel like this right now, four months after having my daughter but I know it passes. It took me about two years in all honesty to start to find myself after I had my son so it is definitely a slow process. When you feel ready you just have to start making small changes like making time to get up and shower and do your makeup before the baby wakes up (just an example – whatever makes you start to feel like you again). If you feel like you really cant be bothered to make small changes then you might be a big depressed? If so, then please do speak to someone because you don’t need to suffer alone. Hope you start to feel better soon lovely – thanks so much for sharing your struggle with us, so many Mums will be nodding along and understand how you feel. Hope you manage to join in again with us next week on #fortheloveofBLOG xx

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    1. I did suffer with PND but it is currently under control. Thankfully I do manage to shower, I can’t cope without my daily wash! But I do look forward to when I look beautiful again haha! Thank you for the comment!

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