In eight weeks time I will have been married for a whole year.
When I got married last year, I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing. I didn’t even know if I loved my husband, let alone wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Marriage was a way of making us a family, changing my surname to the same as our little girl’s and being seen as ‘traditional’. I went into marriage with the idea that I could always get a divorce. Even a month later, I was considering an annulment.
Nearly a whole year has passed and my views of marriage have completely changed. My husband and I have become a team. We will always bicker – and we are very dramatic – but he has shown himself to be the most selfless, caring husband that I could ever have asked for. I want my marriage to be forever, and despite our ups and downs, it is not something that I ever plan to give up on. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is hard work, and I underestimated just how hard it would be. We don’t agree on everything, I get on his nerves and sometimes I want to kill him. It is incredible, however, that I have someone to share my hopes and my dreams with, to tell my deepest secrets to and to have someone that will love me unconditionally – flaws and all. Sometimes I look forward to going to bed with him because that’s when our most honest conversations take place, a safe haven where I know that, no matter what, I won’t be judged.
After only ten months, our marriage has encountered some difficult times where I didn’t think it would be possible to stay together, and yet he has always proved me wrong. It has also involved some of the best moments of my life. One of the biggest challenges that we have faced is having a baby, and our marriage is a partnership where we are able to raise her together. When Little R has been an absolute diva all day, husband comes home and let’s me have a breather – a few moments alone where I don’t have to think about anyone or anything. Even small things, like cuddling in bed on a Sunday morning as a family are the memories that I will hold forever.
If I was to be asked what marriage meant to me now, my answer would be completely different to last year. Marriage is forgiveness, it is embracing another’s flaws as your own, it is teamwork and an unconditional partnership, it is coming home to a cuddle and a kiss, it is the simple things like asking about your day, it is giving your whole being – mind, body and soul to another and still remaining independent, it is being truly comfortable in front of another person. Although I am aware that my husband and I go together like chalk and cheese, marrying my husband was one of the greatest things that I have ever done.
The last year really has been a journey that we have embarked upon together, and I wouldn’t change any of it.