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New Year, New Me?

newyearsss

Okay, so it’s really, really cliché and actually, it isn’t true. I don’t plan on promising to make any drastic changes in 2017, but what I am promising is that 2017 is going to be a selfish year – my most selfish yet. I do appreciate that I could have decided to make these changes at any point but I just feel like the end of the year signifies the end of a chapter. By no means am I going to compromise Little R’s upbringing but I am going to do things that I really want to do. As far as years go, 2016 was pretty shitty and I managed to struggle through it, but I can’t say that I was happy. This is going to change in 2017, and I truly mean it. I want to stick to weight watchers and by this time next year, I would like to have lost two stone. I want to let Little R’s dad have her more often and I want to be able to go out with my friends. My husband and I have struggled through 2016, too. He has often played the role of ‘absent father’ which has meant that I have only managed to have two night away from Little R since she was born. I also am aware that because I have so frequently been alone in the evenings, I struggle to let her go to anyone else and I am far too protective of her. I definitely don’t want to stop being a parent, but I would love to ‘loosen up’ and be able to go out. By July, I should have graduated university (if I actually sort myself out and start putting in the effort) and then I will have so many more options available to me. Once I start working, I would really like to get a couple more tattoos (sorry mum!). I would love to actually be happy in myself and for me, a decorated body has always been something that I absolutely adore. I do completely appreciate that they aren’t for everyone, but I still plan to be sensible and to make sure that it won’t stop me getting a job.

Currently, my husband and I are not together. The constant arguing, the disappointment and the fact that we weren’t a team became too much, and it was fairer on us both if I left. We have argued before but I realised that nothing was ever going to get better unless something changed, so I was left with no choice but to leave, really. It has done us both the world of good – I feel in myself, I feel like I am ready to take on the world and right now, I am a million times happier. It has also benefited him – he has realised that he has some demons that he needs to battle and, whilst I will always be there to support him, he needs to make the changes by himself.  I am hoping that this year does us both some good and whether we end up together, or separated, this is the new chapter that we both need – and deserve – in our lives.

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