This week should have been the celebration of my final year of university. I should now have a degree under my belt and be about to start studying an MA in English Literature. In two years time I wanted to start my PGCE and in the not too distant future, I wanted to be teaching English in a secondary school.
I always think it’s funny how life has different plans for you.
I didn’t graduate this year. Just before Christmas, my husband decided he didn’t want to be with me any more. He asked me and our daughter to leave and it meant that I couldn’t complete my first semester, but I did qualify for extenuating circumstances so it wasn’t the end of the world. The second time, my husband (conveniently) made me homeless just before the end of the second semester, a week before my assignments were due in and about a month before I was meant to sit all of my exams. So, on Thursday, everyone I had been at university with was graduating, and I sat at home and I cried and I cried and I cried. I was meant to be going out that evening with all of my friends who had graduated and I cancelled everything. I planned to sit inside all evening and feel sorry for myself, and ugly cry, and think about how much my husband had let me down, and how much I hated him for putting me in this shitty situation. It’s easy to let everything escalate once you’re feeling low and it just becomes a massive downward spiral, where you get lost in a frenzy of self-pity. But Little R came over and she wiped away my tears and she gave me a ‘cuggle’ and a ‘squeeeze’. It was literally like a fog had been lifted, and I couldn’t help but giggle at how pathetic I was being for feeling so sorry for myself over such a ridiculous thing. Let’s be serious. I have an extra year at university. No one has died, and nothing seriously bad has happened. I am literally just re-sitting my final year. If I had graduated this year, I would have graduated with a 2:2. Which is still an amazing grade, don’t get me wrong, but I really want a 2:1. This year there will be no excuses. I have got the time to pull up my grades and it is amazing.
The fact that I will have the opportunity to resit my final year is amazing. I am hoping that once my student finance is sorted I will be able to afford to take Little R on a mini holiday. I already have a rough idea of the modules that I will sit so I should (hopefully) be able to start working on my independent study over the summer holiday, and reading all of the novels that are on the reading list. Everything is starting to sort itself out, and things can only get better!
So basically, I had been a massive drama queen. I was being so selfish when in actual fact, I was so bloody proud of everyone that had graduated. They were amazing. But next year I will be amazing, too. So I put on my big girl pants and I sorted myself out and I went to celebrate their achievements. Sometimes life isn’t about me, and I need to remember that. My friend, B, wanted me there, and it would have been unfair to have let her down. And I had an absolutely amazing time.
There were so many people who were there that I absolutely adore and am so proud of, and I was so lucky to have been part of it all. I can’t say that I ended the evening looking the same as I did at the beginning, but I was a million times happier and surrounded by some of the most amazing people that I have ever met.
And this time next year, it’s going to be my turn!